


LOVE~IN

by wordwinx



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-26
Updated: 2011-08-26
Packaged: 2017-10-23 14:57:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/251587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordwinx/pseuds/wordwinx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Adam was becoming a sexual being. He needed men. He spent his formative years hiding his orientation, pretending with girls. The fact that his readiness coincided with a wild journey through Europe with a group of vagabond, theatre hippies was just fate."</p>
            </blockquote>





	LOVE~IN

**Author's Note:**

> Charl Brown is a real person; however, this story is completely fiction, no offense intended to him or actual persons portrayed in piece.

“Oh this better be good, Apple Pie.”

“Charl?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Can I come over?”

“WUT?! No, you cannot come over! It’s fuckin two (he rolled toward the clock on the nightstand just to be sure he read it right) two fuckin’ forty-two in the A M, as in I AM gonna kick your ass for waking me up to come over!”

“Charl?”

“WUT?!”

“I did something stupid, and I need your help.”

“Boy, I ain’t your mama. I got no bail money and meine Deutsch ist nicht gut. Call Scarlett for fuck’s sake. She’s likes being your babysitter.”

“Charl?”

“Fuckin’ WUT?!!”

“Please.”

Charl’s anger subsided. He liked the kid. He couldn’thelp it. Who didn’t like Adam? He was funny and talented and one of the beautiful people. In spite of having all that going for him, when Adam said, please, he sounded scared.

“What happened?”

“I went to Marko’s.”

“Fuck.” Charl was awake. “Who you with?”

“Nobody. It’s just me.”

Charl’s eyes opened wide. “You went to the money pit alone?! Have you lost your mind?”

“I didn’t go there to . . .” Adam’s voice broke off for a second then he decided to finish. “I didn’t go there to lose . . . my mind.”

Charl ground the heel of his hand into his forehead. “Shit. There goes Apple Pie. Where are you?”

“I’m . . . I’m outside your door. I couldn’t go upstairs and wake them up, not like this.”

The apartments their theatre troupe rented were all in the same building. The European tour of Hair had been a wild ride for its American cast. They celebrated the hippie culture both on and off stage in spite of the fact that every actor there had been born twenty years after that particular era had defined a generation. On any given night, there was lot of cohabitation going on depending on where you collapsed or with whom you chose to cuddle. Under those circumstances, Adam’s apartment was never empty. Charl slowly pulled on a pair of sleep pants and walked across the floor to the door. He was actually a little scared to open it not knowing how bad it was. He let out a relieved huff of air when he saw Adam in the hallway smudged and disheveled but otherwise intact. They were still holding their phones for amoment. Adam’s face was grave. “Get the fuck in here.”

Adam tried to hide the fact that he was stepping rather gingerly,but Charl noticed that particular shuffle immediately and sighed. “Motherfucker.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry ain’t gonna cut it. Do you know how stupid this is?”

“Yes.”

“Nobody goes to Marko’s alone. NOBODY!” Charl lowered his voice. “They don’t give a fuck. They are experts at ignoring shit. Pretty blonde boys don’t always come home. Do you hear me?”

“Yes.”

“How many times have you gone?”

“Just this once.”

“So, you didn’t even know the guy?”

“No.”

“Motherfucker! Did he use a condom?” Charl was getting riled again.

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

Adam’s anxiety rose. “Yes, Christ. I saw him tie it off after, okay?”

“Hey, don’t get mad at me. You’re the one asking for help. I gotta know what kind of help you need, a doctor, the police . . .”

“No, no, no, I just . . . I just need a friend.” Adam’s face twisted into a grimace as he tried not to cry.

Charl rubbed his face with both hands and shook his head. “Well, it’s done. Come over here and sit down. I know I need to sit down.” Adam looked at the couch with trepidation and didn’t move. “Did he hurt you that bad?”

“I don’t know . . . exactly. I don’t think so. I’m just . . .It still hurts.”

“Come on, you need a shower and you can check yourself out. I’ve got some stuff, you know, you can . . . It didn’t have to be like this.” He reached out to touch Adam’s arm but changed his mind. “Did he force you?”

Adam whispered. “No. It wasn’t like that.”

“There should be plenty of hot water this time of night. I’m gonna get you some clothes.” He and Adam were almost exactly the same height and weight. It would be an easy fit.

When Adam came out of the bathroom, his color had returned, but remorse clenched his jaw. Only his eyes remained soft and glistening.

“Can you sit down yet?” Adam nodded and eased himself onto the couch. “I made tea.” Every singer in the troupe had tea to condition their voices.

“Thanks.” Adam took a sip and welcomed the hot liquid as if it could sanitize him from the inside. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“Uh-huh. But you better be ready to do some talkin’.”

“I don’t have anything to say for myself. It’s as bad as you think it is.”

“So what am I supposed to tell every-fuckin-body tomorrow when they wonder why you stayed all night with me? And by the way, how in the hell did you get by Scarlett? Coz, I know she would not approve of your sorry ass right now.”

“I didn’t say much. She turned in early, and I said I thought I might go out with you and the guys.”

“Me? So I’m in this too?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Adam, I like you a whole lot, but I ain’t telling lies for you.”

“I’m not asking you to. I’ll tell her I changed my mind and saw a movie.”

“Why don’t you try telling the truth?”

“She’ll act like it’s her fault, like she should have stopped me or something. It’s just too personal. . . especially since I fucked up.”

“I’ll say!”

“Please, Charl. I can’t do this right now. I can’t get any lower.”

Charl softened. “Look, I don’t want to try to make this seem small, but don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s not the first time somebody had a hook up go wrong.”

“But it was . . . I feel like I threw something away. I wanted it to be exciting, but I was just scared and stupid.”

“You could have come to me about this.”

“I don’t know you that well.” Their eyes met.

“Well, you do now! You’re sittin on my shitty couch, drinking my shitty tea, wearing my shitty clothes. We’re practically best friends now.”

Adam nodded with solemn gratitude. They drank their tea in silence. “Have you got anything that can make me sleep?”

“Yeah. That’s probably a good idea. We’ve got a full week ahead, brother. This ain’t no way to start.”

“I’ll be okay.”

“I know you will.”

  
~~~~

  
When Charl got up the next morning, Adam was already gone. The clothes he loaned him were folded neatly on the end of the couch. Charl held them in his arms for a moment remembering how vulnerable Adam had been last night sharing something so personal, asking for friendship. Charl hadn’t been exactly sympathetic. He could do better.

It was a strenuous week including three days of double shows. Everyone was exhausted. Adam had been hanging out with Scarlett and her circle of girls in the tribe. It was a safe place. Even though Adam had a solo in the show, he didn’t feel like he had earned the right to hang with the lead cast. Scarlett was an exception, an instant friend. Charl made a point to talk to Adam a couple times to ask him if he was okay, but he always got a glib and unconvincing response in the affirmative. After curtain, the cast was energized by the prospect of a rare day off. It was a free night.

Charl had made plans with another lead, David and some of their friends as was the norm. This time, Charl made an extra effort to include Adam. “Come on, Adam. Come have a drink with us.” Adam seemed delighted to be asked. He was cautious and unassuming at first, but once the conversation took off, Adam fit right in. They liked him. They had too many drinks as was also “the norm.” Most of them went back to David’s place for a nightcap, but Charl politely excused himself. Adam crashed with him. After all, he’d slept on that couch before. The next morning, they continued to hangout. Just listen to music and get to know one another. Charl graduated from the University of Southern California as a theatre major. He was two years older but seemed so much more experienced. Adam looked up to him. They went out for coffees and stopped in a vintage store with real vinyl records. They shared a similar taste, seventies glam rock and sixties R&B. Back at the apartment, Adam overheard Charl on the phone turning down an offer to go out.

“Thanks, Charl.”

“For what?”

“For just letting me talk, listening. I don’t have a lot of guy friends.”

“Well, I’m not as nice as Scarlett. I kinda feel bad that I was mean to you that night. You came over here because you trusted me for some reason, and all I did was tell you what a stupid fucker I thought you were.” Charl was chuckling but sorry.

“No, you were right. I needed to own it and get past it. I just hated being so green, you know? Everyone else was getting on with their lives, socially, I mean. And it just never happened for me. I met some guys but just casually. We messed around but we never . . . and I started to think no one was ever going to want me. Now I’m here in Europe for Christ’s sake, and everyone is really cool and fun and I see people hookin’ up and it’s still not me, and I thought what the fuck? I’ll just make this happen. That’s how I ended up at Marko’s.”

Charl had been listening intently. He didn’t know what to do with the affection he felt. He opted to be evasive. “You are seriously bringing me down now. That’s some sad shit, Adam.”

“I’m sorry.” Adam smiled. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“Well, I know what will make us feel better. You want a smoke?”

“Sure. Thanks.”

Charl had a stash of pot, but he didn’t share with just anyone. After Charl lit up, he and Adam took turns with slow purposeful drags until the dull buzz took the edge off their inhibitions. They could talk more freely then.

“See most times when it’s your first time, you mess around with somebody you know or a friend of friend you kinda know and can trust won’t fuck you up. Everybody just kind of knows why they’re doing what they’re doing and nobody expects it to be more than that.” Adam just let him talk. His smooth baritone voice was soothing. “What you got was a pretty raw deal, man. I mean, there are guys out there who know what they’re doing and take their time, but you got yourself hooked up with a predator. He smelled fresh meat and didn’t give a shit.”

“Just my luck.”

“Luck? Don’t talk to me about luck. You’re about the luckiest white boy I ever met.” Adam smiled but didn’t say anything. “One, you got mad talent. I mean NOBODY sings like you. I never heard the like. It’s angels and demons and I don’t even know what else. Two, I ain’t gonna lie, you’re a handsome motherfucker. I can say that. You got every woman in this crew fallin’ all over themselves to make you dinner and do your fuckin’ laundry and ‘Oh Adam let me rub your feet’ – ‘Oh, Adam, let me wipe your ass for you’. Yeah, quit your grinning. It’s embarrassing is what it is.” Adam was smug. He knew these things, but it felt so good to be told. “And three . . .” Charl paused and raised both eyebrows sky high. “Well, three I ain’t even gonna say coz you already know what it is.” Charl made a generic circular motion low in the direction of Adam’s lap. “That right there, just ain’t even fair.” Adam was blushing. Having to endure the naked scene at the end of the play had required absolutely every ounce of Adam’s courage having dealt with a negative body image all throughout his teens. Cast members created a polite filter where they could be seen without feeling exposed. No one had to gawk at Adam. A mere glance was enough to witness his virility, but there was something else, something powerful about his physique. It was as if his body created the same ions as moving water. Finally stripped of inhibition, fully naked, Adam was not only electrifying but wickedly endowed.

There was an awkward silence between them. Adam savored another long drag off the joint. Then he his lips spread into his goofiest grin and he began to sing one of the tribe songs from the show.

  
Blackboys are delicious

Chocolate flavored love

Licorice lips like candy

Keep my cocoa handy

I have such a sweet tooth

When it comes to love

Charl guffawed and joined in. They sang all the way through the white boys verses.

White boys are so pretty

White boys are so sweet

White boys drive me crazy

Drive me indiscreet

White boys are so sexy

Legs so long and lean

Love those sprayed-on trousers

Love the love machine

They playfully included a seated version of the choreography too damn high and lazy to actually dance. They laughed until they coughed fitfully. They were closer on the couch than before. Charl reached across to pass Adam the last hit. Adam took Charl’s hand and took the puff from Charl’s fingers instead of his own. His lips were wet. Charl felt a delay from sensation to synapses. He could not think. Adam was looking at him, a tractor beam with laser-like accuracy cut through the haze and hit Charl like a lightning bolt. He felt himself lean forward, and Adam pulled him in. Charl gasped when Adam’s tongue flicked the roof of his mouth. He felt like he might sneeze. He added pressure to relieve the tickle and they were kissing then. Adam was all grabby hands searching for a good hold. He finally seized Charl’s head in his hands and rose up on his knees. This kissing was a full body experience. Charl hung onto Adam’s waist as if he was being lifted to some dizzying height he might fall from. Adam’s arms were remarkably strong, but it seemed to be his mouth alone that held Charl in place. Charl could feel Adam semi-erect against his belly as he guided Charl backward. The blunt burned down to Charl’s fingertips, and he broke free from Adam’s embrace.

“Ow, fuck!” He rubbed it out in the tray. Adam leaned in again, but Charl gently pushed him away. Adam scooted to the other end of the couch. He was embarrassed.

“I should go.”

“No. No you shouldn’t. If you go now, you won’t come back coz it’ll be all weird and shit. Now sit the fuck down for a minute.” Charl took amoment. “This isn’t a brush off, okay? It’s just timing. Slow it down.”

“You’re not mad?”

“I’m not mad. Let’s go do something tomorrow. Not a date, just do something, together, right?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“You got any ideas?”

Adam waited thoughtfully. “I want to do something different . . . about my looks, I mean.”

Charl was perplexed. “Like what? Adam, what you got ain’t broke.”

Adam wrinkled his nose. “I don’t think this original me is really me anymore.”

“You are telling me you want a make-over?”

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I want to dye my hair.”

“You what?”

“I want to dye my hair black.”

“Man, there is no middle ground with you, is there?”

“Scarlett tried to talk me out of it, but I’ve decided.”

Charl looked at him quizzically. This wasn’t what he expected at all. “I just can’t imagine you all dark and shit. You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Well, that’s easy enough to do. There’s a salon just two blocks down. They keep my fro all nice and tight.” Charl was patting his coif gently.

“You were definitely born in the wrong era.”

“I know, right?”

“Let’s do that. Will you go with me?”

“Yeah, I’ll go with you.” Charl almost got caught up in Adam’s happy face. God, what was that? “Now get the fuck outta here. I’m gonna take a nap . . . alone.” He got up and guided Adam by the arm to officially throw him out. At the door, Adam was still grinning broadly, and he scooped Charl into a tight embrace. Charl’s voice was muffled by Adam’s shoulder but the message was loud and clear. “Go away, dammit.”

“I’ll make an appointment and call you.”

“Fine . . . bye.” He was literally pushing Adam out into the hall now. Adam was laughing outright. When Charl closed the door he leaned hard against it and sighed. “Toppy motherfucker.”

  
~~~~

  
The color job turned out to be all Adam needed to catapult him into a universal transformation of self. When the towel came off, Adam stared at his image a long time. He combed his fingers through the heavy length at the top smoothing the thick mass of hair back and over. His brows were furrowed slightly in contemplation. The stylist was wary.

“So, you like it, right? I told you, you might want to go gradual with this. From blonde to black is . . .”

“Perfect. It’s perfect.” Adam caught Charl’s eyes in the mirror, and Charl realized his mouth was open. He closed it and swallowed.

“Fuck me, Adam. Boyyy,fuuuuuuuck me!”

Adam winked at the stylist. “Now, do the brows. No more ApplePie, eh, Charl?”

“No way, man. You’re a . . .” Charl started licking his lips playfully trying think of some other, more appropriate pastry. “You’re a blackberry tart . . .”

Adam snorted, “You got the tart right.”

“You’re a passion fruit smoothie . . .”

Adam was gushing. “I notice you’re staying in the fruit section.”

“Well, it is what it is, man.” Charl gave Adam’s shoulder a squeeze. “I got a better name for you.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Adam. Adam will do just fine.”

~~~~

Adam stepped onto the street with a bag of hair products and a round brush. Charl noticed a new hardness about Adam’s jaw along with a glint in his eyes. It was a sharper sparkle than before. They didn’t speak for a while. Those that passed them took a long look. Charl felt like he was witnessing a magic trick. Adam was definitely not the same. Charl had to step out of the twilight zone and back into real life.

“So now what, . . . evil twin of Adam? Mani pedi? Brazilian wax?”

“Nope. “ Adam pursed his lips firmly together. “Now I go back to Marko’s.”

Charl started to protest, but Adam stopped him. “It’s time I face it. I don’t want to be afraid anymore.” They didn’t speak again until they were back in the apartment. Charl’s silence was judgmental. Adam spoke again knowing they couldn’t leave it like this. He needed Charl’s approval. “Look. I liked being there. I felt at home like I belonged. You know what that’s like, to just be yourself and everyone else is doing the same thing, and it’s all okay. I need that. I just went too fast. I was high and impatient, but I’m not going to let my mistake ruin that part of my life forever. I want more. I want all of it.”

“Adam there are otherways to . . . ”

“No. I mean I get that, but before I can move forward. It’s got to be same / same. I want a do-over. Don’t you see? It haunts me.” Adam frowned and looked like he had a bad taste in his mouth. “He said these really mean things, and I actually felt myself giving in because his words were the same ones I hear in my own head. It’s that voice that convinces me I’m not good enough. I’ve got to go back there and conquer that. Does that make sense?”

“I’m going with you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“It’s not up for negotiation.”

“Okay. I appreciate it. I mean I’d like you go if you want to.”

“You are aging me, man. I’m gonna fuckin’ start sprouting gray hair and shit.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“Oh, it’s bad. You don’t know how good you look. I’m gonna be the only one to call the cops when all hell breaks loose.”

“That’s not true. I listen. You’ve been my rock, really. If it makes you feel better, set me some ground rules.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, why not? I bet you give really good advice.”

Most people didn’t recognize the fact that Charl did indeed give good advice. He was a good listener and a helluva fun guy. It made Charl proud that Adam noticed. “All right. Rule number one, no drugs!”

“Okay . . . that’s a given.”

“And rule number two, no fucking.”

“Wait a minute.”

“I mean it! Kiss,grope, make out, but absolutely NO fucking. It’s more a show of control than anything. Show yourself you got the control to stop and start whenever you want to. You need discipline.”

“Apparently.”

“You are one sexy bitch, Adam. I hope you choose to use what you got going on for good, coz otherwise . . . fuck it.”

“Please.” Adam dismissed the idea.

Charl ruffled Adam’s hair. “Scarlett is gonna shit.”

“Yeah, she is.” Adam was savoring the aspect of surprise.

~~~~

Later that afternoon, they were called in for slight adjustments in choreography. Some of the set platforms had been disassembled and packed as part of the extensive travel arrangements necessary when they took the show on the road in a week. Adam and Charl walked in nonchalantly. There was an audible gasp from those present,and the ones who showed up afterward, didn’t even recognize Adam at first.

“Oh my fucking God! You did it.” Scarlett arrived late, diva-style. She took Adam’s head in her hands and turned him left and right to get a good look. “I’m speechless.”

“Do you like it?”

Scarlett beamed. “Yeah, I really like it. You look amazing.” Then the rehearsal started and when it was over, other cast members voiced their approval of Adam’s transformation and marveled at the degree of impact. Adam noticed that the other leads were giving Charl a hard time, but he was taking it in stride. Finally, Scarlett took Charl aside.

“Are you sleeping with him?”

Charl wasn’t shocked. That was everyone’s new favorite rumor. “Not you too.”

There had been a lot of “sharing” going on in this particular show. The cast members embraced the aspect of free love and the occasional hallucinogen with fervor. It enhanced the experience of their performances tenfold. A little discretion went a long way.

“No, he’s not sleeping with me! Scarlett, would you please just mind your own, god damn business for once. He’s a grown man for Christ’s sake. He’s not your boy. ”

Scarlett recoiled. “You’re right. I don’t have a claim on him. It’s just that Adam’s . .. special.”

“I know that.”

“It’s not just that I love him either. He’s going to go a lot further than the rest of us if only he manages to grow up first. He’s got so much to lose, and sometimes I don’t think he gets that.”

“I hear you. And, you’ve been good for him, Scarlett. But, right now, where he is right now . . . he needs me. Can you dig that without me having to betray his trust? For Adam’s sake, just stay out of it. I got this.”

It finally came together for Scarlett, the makeover, his hanging with the guys, the entire transformation really. Adam was becoming a sexual being. He needed men. He spent his formative years hiding his orientation, pretending with girls. The fact that his readiness coincided with a wild journey through Europe with a group of vagabond, theatre hippies was just fate.

Charl felt honored to help him navigate through it. “You’re not the only one who’s looking out for him, all right?”

“All right.” She gave his arm an apologetic squeeze. “I’ll stay out of it.”

Adam approached. He was simply glowing with new confidence. “Hi guys.”

Scarlett still couldn’t get over it. “Hey, why don’t I take you out to dinner to celebrate this whole new you?”

Adam swooped her into his arms. “That’d be great. Can we do it tomorrow after the show? Charl and I already made plans for tonight.” Charl couldn’t explain why he suddenly felt like he’d been chosen for teams in Phys. Ed., but before he could shrug it off, he was smiling.

“Okay. You two go have fun. Don’t stay out too late.” Some habits were hard to break.

"I’ll be good, Mommy.” Adam kissed her temple. She patted him, but her eyes were on Charl wanting to seal the pact they had made. He nodded in reply.

  
~~~~

  
“Ow! Shit.” Adam had been fine anticipating the return to Marko’s self-assured, but now that he was actually getting ready, his anxiety grew.

“Give me that damn thing before you put your eye out.” Charl looked fantastic as always effortlessly donning a casual shirt and snug pants. Adam envied his creamy cocoa skin. He didn’t need to primp himself, but he knew how to apply make-up. Adam needed a steady hand. “You don’t have to go through with this, you know. We can stay in.”

“I’ll be fine.” Adam hadn’t yet buttoned his shirt or put onshoes. Charl wasn’t sure what he thought about that.

“Look up.” Charl busied himself smudging Adam’s liner the way he knew Adam liked it. “Is that good?”

Adam turned back to the mirror and tilted his chin down. “Yeah, that’s good.” He started to fumble with the buttons on his shirt.

“Hold it.” Charl stepped behind Adam and caught his eyes in the mirror. “This shirt is all wrong. It makes you look like you give a shit. You’re trying too hard.” He tenderly curled his fingers inside the collar as Adam shrugged it off. “Wait right there.”

Adam spent the next minute asking his reflection what was going on. Charl returned with a jet black tanktop. “This . . . this is what you need.”

Adam looked doubtful. “I don’t know.”

“Trust me on this.” Charl slipped the soft cloth carefully over Adam’s head so it wouldn’t mess up his hair. He turned Adam around and kept his hands on Adam’s bare shoulders. “No more hiding. Right?” Adam squeezed Charl’s hand. He had become Adam’s closest friend, but there was definitely something more. “Good. Get your boots. We’re gonna show Marko’s who’s boss.”

  
~~~~

  
They could hear the bass beat outside on the street. The thunder of it like tribal drums summoned forth Adam’s most base instincts. He turned on. The doorman unhooked the barrier with no hesitation and the line of hopefuls along the wall didn’t protest. They quietly accepted the fact they couldn’t compete with that.

Charl took Adam by the hand and pulled him through the crowd to the bar. Charl ordered a cocktail, and Adam slammed two shots. He turned his attention to the dance floor. His eyes began to glitter. The tightness around his mouth dissolved. He leaned toward Charl. “I’m gonna go dance.”

Charl raised a warning finger and shouted over the din. “No drugs. No fucking.”

Adam pouted in return and without pause gave Charl a peck on the lips. “I’ll be good, Daddy.”

Charl took a gulp of his drink. As Adam sauntered into the wave of rhythmic bodies with his lovely sculpted arms above his head, Charl said a quiet prayer. “Lord, have mercy.” He finished off his drink and ordered another.

“Hey, Charl!”

“Hey, man!” Charl was greeted with a warm hug by a man he didn’t recognize. Once he pulled away, he knew the face, but he was still at a loss for a name. He remembered he was another American stage actor trying to build his resume in Europe. There were hundreds of them. Charl succeeded in making small talk, but when he’d finished his third drink, his head began to swim. The guy was annoying. Seriously, who goes to a club like this to talk to people? Charl realized suddenly that he’d lost sight of Adam. He stood up straighter and scanned the surface of the crowd, but the disco lights made everything carnival-colored. Adam’s laugh came from the perimeter. He had a drink in his hand that someone had probably bought for him. He was surrounded by several lust-struck boys. Charl just stood there transfixed for a moment by Adam’s movements. Back on the dance floor, he dipped his shoulders and tossed his head. He swiveled his hips in slow luxurious circles punctuated by a rapid fire bam bam bam that made Charl think he might need to sit down again. The guy at the bar had been watching them. “You’ve got your hands full.” Charl nodded absentmindedly. A random dancer broke from the throng, breathless. He pushed past Charl to order a drink.

“Hey is that your boy out there?”

To deny it would have required explanation that Charl was having trouble understanding himself. “Yeah. He’s mine.”

“Well, he’s got moves! I tell you, you’d better get out there before he makes everybody pregnant.”

Charl didn’t join in their laughter. He wasn't about to sit this one out. The floor seemed to be a live creature stretching and pouncing to the music. The only way to navigate was to lean in the direction he wanted to go and glide hoping his feet stayed in contact with the ground.

Charl easily fell into place beside Adam who seemed to have been expecting him. When the tempo slowed behind a new song, Charl hooked his fingers into Adam’s belt loops and they swayed. Adam rested his arms atop Charl’s shoulders. In his heeled boots,he was a couple inches taller. They were both feeling the music and the booze. The kiss just happened. Adam lowered his head to press Charl’s lips against his own. Charl kissed back, and Adam shuddered. They put their arms around each other and held on. They weren’t really dancing anymore, but it was impossible to stand still. Charl kept telling himself this wasn’t his plan. He didn’t intend to take it this far, but here they were. It felt so good. Charl smoothed his hands down Adam’s back and cupped his ass. Adam breathed into Charl’s ear. “I promised. No drugs. No fucking.”

“That’s club rules. Do you want to stay here and dance or do you want to come back to my place where you can get high and laid properly?”

“Oh, my God. Take me home.”

  
~~~~

  
“You want a smoke?” Charl was barely able to get a word in. Adam didn’t want to stop kissing.

“No, not now. Sorry so clumsy. I really want this.”

Charl was smiling. “It’s okay. Just hold up a minute.” Charl gave Adam’s groin a good squeeze that made him jump then groan. “You’re never gonna make it.”

Adam protested. “What? Yeah, I can. I can do this.”

Charl took Adam’s hands in his own and led him into the bedroom. “Adam. We’ve got all night.” Adam looked at Charl as if he was seeing him for the first time. The edgy vernacular was gone replaced by a tenderness Adam wasn’t expecting. This was Charl as a lover. Adam wanted to share in that tenderness, to nourish and cultivate it. All his former sexual experiences had been heated and frantic. He had no practice going slow, but Charl made him want to linger in every moment. He began to savor the ache. Charl sat Adam down on the bed and took off his boots. He stroked Adam’s thighs on the way to his waistband. Adam helped pull down his pants, and then Charl stopped. Seeing Adam on stage as naked as the rest was one thing. Seeing Adam fully aroused that close was something else entirely. The look on Charl’s face was hard to read, but Adam decided it was a compliment.

“So, you just gonna leave me hangin’ or what?”

Charl startled as if he forgot there was a person attached to that beautiful thing. Then he smirked and the old Charl was back. “Oh, you gonna be one toppy bitch. I figured that right.” He pushed Adam back and settled himself between Adam’s knees. “You better grab hold of something, boy, coz I’m gonna enjoy the hell out of this.” He yanked Adam’s pants around his ankles. Adam spread his hands flat on the bed and immediately fisted the sheets when Charl took him in. There were no teasing licks or kisses, just the wet heat of Charl’s mouth, and Adam squinted so hard he saw stars. Fortunately the rest of the troupe was probably still out partying because the sound Adam made for the next six minutes was a raw guttural opera of ecstasy. Charl was chuckling to himself as he stretched out beside Adam on the bed. Adam had his elbow bent over his eyes. He was still moaning dramatically. “That’s right, white boy. Who’s on top now?”

Adam laughed. He kicked off his pants and rolled on top of Charl. Charl didn’t put up a fight when Adam straddled him and pulled his tank over his head. In fact, Charl wriggled seductively arching his back to press himself firmly against Adam’s naked body. What Adam lacked in experience, he well madeup for in intensity. Kissing was Adam’s thing, and he was amazing at it. He knew how to make out, how to use his tongue and hips and hands to turn his partner into putty. It wasn’t long before Charl was in the same blissful state where he had taken Adam a moment before. Being able to do that for another person aroused Adam all over again. He peeled off what was left of Charl’s clothes. He wanted to taste him. Adam had never felt so many sensations at once. He’d never made love this long. He’d never made love at all.

Charl knew he was getting close. “Adam.” He stopped. Charl sat up and held Adam back.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” Charl reached for his nightstand. He put a condom and lubricant in Adam’s hand.

Adam shivered. “But .. . I thought you would . . .”

Charl put a finger to his lips. “That’s not who you are, Adam. Listen to your body. What’s it say?”

Adam’s eyes darkened. “Show me. I want to do it right.”

Nothing could have prepared Adam for how good he was about to feel. He thought Charl sucking his tongue and bearing down on his fingers might be the most intense combination of sensations he had ever felt but that was before he pushed his cock inside Charl’s body. Somehow he managed to go slow. It had to be shock. He waited for Charl to adjust to the pressure and size of him. Adam instinctively shifted his weight and the angle of his hips and moved. It was Charl’s turn to serenade the ceiling. The rush of endorphins made Adam’s teeth chatter. He bit down on his lip to keep himself from laughing. Surely to Christ it wasn’t always this damn good. “Oh my God. Oh my God!” They continued to move together until that undeniable force began to build inside them. Charl stroked himself off and opened his eyes just as Adam came so explosively his arms gave out. He collapsed upon Charl’s chest and rode out the aftershocks rather awkwardly on knees and elbows, still reflexively pumping his hips. He finally let out a long ragged sigh.

“Adam, you gotta get off, man, I can’t breathe.” Adam lifted himself but hesitated to move away. “Just do it. You gotta pull out.” They both grunted but quickly recovered. Adam just stared into space more alive than he had ever been before. Charl reached over to squeeze his hand. “After you fuck me stupid, it’s your job toget a rag or something.”

“Oh, right.” Adam took care of the condom. He wet a cloth in the sink and happened to catch his reflection. He took a good hard look, and he smiled at who he saw. When he hopped back on the bed, Charl noticed his happiness.

“You are awfully damn proud of yourself.”

Adam’s grin was beginning to cramp his cheeks. “I was good, wasn’t I?”

Charl had no defense. Adam’s euphoria was contagious, and he started laughing. “Yeah, you’re good.”

“You’re not just saying that.”

“Adam, you’re like meant for this shit. I’m serious. Now I’m not gonna say no more.” He shoved Adam in the shoulder.

“This is where you throw me the fuck out, right?”

“I’m thinking about it.”

“No you’re not.”

“No . . . I’m not. Come here.” Adam climbed up the bed and wrapped his arms and mile-long legs around Charl. “You’re one of those cuddly puppified types aren’t you?”

“Puppified?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I am.” They were both contented to lie there and simply share space for several minutes. “Is it okay if we talk?”

Charl was drowsy but willing. “Sure.”

“How did you know about me? I mean I wasn’t even sure what my preference would be.”

“Just experience is all. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. I was in a relationship in college. He was a top, but we just went with whatever we were feeling. When you care about someone, you can read their vibes, I guess.”

“You could read my vibes?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“That means you care about me then.”

Charl wanted to give Adam a bigger gift than great sex. He leaned up on an elbow and looked into Adam’s eyes. “I want to you listen to me and listen good. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, and I love you.”

There seemed to be a light shining from within Adam’s very being. He sat up and took Charl’s hands into his own. “This is the best night of my life, and I love you back.” They kissed softly like children. Perfect honesty. Perfect intimacy. The two of them had made the culture of love a reality. The spirit of the musical lived in them. It couldn’t last forever. It wasn’t meant to be permanent, but just that moment it was enough.

“Are you hungry?”

“I’m starving!”

Charl let Adam borrow the same comfy clothes he had before. They ate whatever they could find in Charl’s fridge. They shared a bottle of wine. Neither could remember a time they had been happier. The conversation eventually lulled with their mutual yawns.

“I’m gettin’ sleepy, Adam. Are you stayin’ the night?”

“Nah. I want to wake up in my own place.”

“Just as well. I bet your big ole feet make you a shameless bed hog.”

“Totally. I’ll come get my clothes tomorrow.” Charl walked himto the door, and they kissed goodnight.

“Am I going to see you again like tonight?” Adam asked with a pretty please face that made Charl smile.

“Yeah, probably, but it doesn’t mean we’re a couple and shit.”

“I know.”

“I don’t need the drama. You’re bound to be one of those high maintenance boyfriends.”

“Without a doubt . . . but I’m pretty.”

“White boys are so pretty.”

“Black boys are delicious.”

Charl nudged him out the door. “Go to bed.”

“Goodnight.” Charl could hear Adam singing up the stairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Epilogue: Adam and Charl remained friends “with benefits” for the remainder of the tour. When it came time to re-cast at the end of the year, Adam decided to go back to LA. It was his time to move on. Charl stayed with the troupe and continued to build his resume with several successful musical tours across Europe. They kept in touch periodically over the years. Charl sent Adam two complimentary tickets to see him in his Broadway debut of Sister Act in NYC. Adam happily went because that’s what friends do.

**Author's Note:**

> Sources of reference to credit:
> 
> Adamtopia Timeline Hair:http://www.atop.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=preidolperformances&action=display&thread=21&page=35
> 
> Charl Brown website: http://www.charlbrown.com/home/index.html


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